Is it a case of the ‘what ifs’ or something else?

I’ve discovered that developing new products for an employer is a completely different ball game to starting my own business.  I have a business idea, in fact I have several, but why am I struggling to make progress? I know what I need to do but I am I really struggling to get anything done.

I’ve come to the conclusion that fear is my barrier.

In order to get started, I need to gather my supporting insights. I need to:

  • validate assumptions about my users
  • build my user profiles
  • research and understand the competitors – direct and indirect

Avoidance

fear_ahead_sign
fear ahead

Rather than just get on with it, I’m sitting here writing a blog about it.  It’s clearly an avoidance technique.  Is it fear that is holding me back? What if no one wants to use the service I am offering? What if the market doesn’t exist? What if there are already lots of competitors? What if, what if, what if?

I am overwhelmed by the ‘what ifs’ and it is starting to drive me a little bit crazy.  If I am really honest about it, I truly believe there is a market for the service I want to deliver and there are few UK suppliers, if any (I have already done a bit of research) so what’s the real problem?

Do I fear failure?  Well no, because I have already said that this is very much my first project and I need to do it to learn from it.  So what exactly is my problem?

A lot of my anxiety is around starting an online business and the legalities and technicalities behind it. I did some research into starting an online business but I don’t feel the information is sufficient and I am not confident with what I have read. I think this is what I am truly avoiding. I need to speak to someone who has done this before, who can provide the advice I need to crack on, as this avoidance technique is hampering my progress.

Reaching out and asking for help

Some people have no problem asking for help, in fact a colleague of mine drives me insane as her first thought is always to ask someone else rather than to turn to her own internal ability. I, on the other hand, am used to being self-reliant.  I rarely rely on others for anything and this can hamper.  I recognise this as a weakness and is one I need to face head on if I am going to make progress faster.

There are so many different levels of fear, but fear is a good thing.  If I wasn’t aware of it, I wouldn’t know how to really challenge myself. I am therefore going to set myself a task of identifying potential mentors by mid September as I am going to require assistance in quite a few areas.  Asking for help is not a weakness but a necessity in growth and development.

With sheer determination, change can occur quickly

Last week I confirmed my _SocialStarters place for February 2016. I am so excited. I can’t believe that in 6 months time I will be starting a new phase of my life.

Looking back to when I started to get this ball rolling, I was surprised to find it wasn’t really that long ago. It was early June that I thought a career change was an option and totally possible. Going to the The Escape the City taster session turned my internal light back on.  Thanks to the talk by Matt Trinetti and The Escape Manifesto I am on course for major lifestyle changes. All of this happened only a mere 7 weeks ago.

This isn’t to say that I have made spur of the moment decisions. I haven’t. The last 6 weeks have allowed me to take practical small steps in the right direction and thus provide me with the confidence to aspire for something much bigger, yet unknown. More importantly for me, I am okay with the idea of not knowing.  This is a massive step change for me as I am someone who has previously been more comfortable with black and white.

I have done a hell of a lot of research and planning to get me to where I am, and I am feeling the benefits of the effort I have already put in.  I feel more confident in my own ability and I am optimistic about what the future may bring.

My biggest concern revolves around not having the right people around me, so I have actively been taking steps to connect with different people.  I have signed up for events and talks but the biggest benefit to date has been offering my skills on a pro bono basis. People are approaching me.

I have engaged with really interesting and inspiring people who have set up and run organisations I would never have come across.  It’s been a fantastic opportunity and a great learning experience and I’m really excited about a project I have just been discussing with a potential new client.

Right now, the opportunities appear endless.  For me, anything is possible.  No problem is unsolvable, you just have to work out how to approach it and be determined to make change happen.

You have to know what you want… that ideal job

As planned in my last update Getting Granular, I have been actively working away on my targets for this week. Right now I am feeling very inspired and hopeful. It’s been a progressive week, in many ways, which started with focusing  on getting onto paper what my ideal job was.  A lot of it was just things I like about my present role and things I enjoy doing that should be a main part of my job but aren’t because I work in a mammoth of a machine for an organisation and I am a mere cog.  The culture is definitely killing me, whether it be slowly or fast I’m not quite sure yet but I sure done want to hang around too long to find out.

A Clear Vision

So I wrote my job description. It is by no means full and complete. I’ve trained myself to just be able to get things done without worrying about it being perfect and complete. If the bare bones are there, it’s a starting point. I can’t grow something which doesn’t exist so I aim to get anything down just as long as it’s something. I wrote down five aspects I enjoyed and would like to continue doing.  I felt a weight had been lifted; I had a clearer vision of what I enjoyed.

Here’s where the strangest thing happened. My current job has been under review for the last few months because I have raised that it is not fit for purpose from a business point of view. I have had various discussions about what might work better but nothing has been agreed.

The day after I write my ideal job description, I come across an article about replacing Chief Innovation Officers with Innovation Enablement Leaders – the IEL role is to my surprise more or less the job I had drawn out for myself. To top things off,  my boss raises the question about the direction of my role again. It could not have been more perfectly timed.

The organisation I work for needs to go undergo a number of cultural changes before it is ready to take the next step. It wants to be more innovative; it needs to be, but everything that is a move from the norm is a struggle, or fails because the foundations are poor. The house isn’t in order and there’s too much bureaucracy and internal politics.

The previous discussions I had about my role have been merely plasters over a wound. They don’t treat the cause. I like to use the sand castle analogy. I can build a castle and make it huge, but if the foundations are poorly arranged then the sea will just erode away anything I build.

Insight, Values and Opportunities

With my newly developed insight and the timely article, I feel that actually my role should be something different, more than a plaster, more like a breeze block. This sounds like an amazing opportunity; to be doing what I want to be doing, however I am only part excited by it. I am not jumping for joy, but why?

Fact is I no longer like my employer. There are parts of the business that don’t fit with my values. I never wanted to work for a religious organisation but it is becoming more so. It’s a huge machine and everyday is an uphill battle. I spend more time thinking about and trying to resolve politics than doing the things that make a difference to the bottom line. Besides, I have felt like my skills will diminish if I don’t leave soon. I don’t practice what I am self learning fast enough and I am impatient and thrive on growth.  Although this opportunity is tempting, I’ve learnt to stick to my guns.  If it doesn’t fit with my values and what I am striving for, then I shouldn’t choose it. The role is right, but the environment is wrong; I’m striving for the full package.  I am more excited about leaving this all behind to start a new phase of my life.

My manager has no idea of my intention to leave but as we have been discussing a change in role, the time is fast approaching for that awkward conversation. I have however made a plan – a proposal of sort – for what I’d like the role to do and to make it a six month project. This way the project is defined and I get to help deliver substantial changes which should leave them in a much stronger position than they are in now. That’s the theory anyway.

My vision for the role is to build innovation capacity so that they can deliver innovative solutions. It’s a self sustaining model and it’s about capacity building which is ultimately what I stand for. Empowerment of individuals who can collectively make a difference. I feel excited by this. I just hope they buy it!

Making Substantial Progress

Other progresses I’ve made have been about what to do after my placement. I have more ideas now. If the project above succeeds that’s a string to my bow as I’d definitely like more of that. But having returned to The Escape Manifesto – my Bible – I have found inspiration from the suggested readings and case studies of fellow escapees. The article that resonates with me most right now is How to become an idea machine. Reframing questions:  “when is an idea too big” re thought as “how do I make all ideas smaller and achievable”. The Richard Branson story of how he started the airline business inspired me to have faith and confidence in myself. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do anything new because I didn’t have the right expertise but you know what, when you break it down, it becomes instantly possible. The opportunities now appear to be endless. I shut down many ideas because  I thought they were too big, but now I have a renewed energy to chase those tennis balls.

If you read The Escape Manifesto or talk to anyone from Esc, you will immediately understand the tennis ball reference. It’s about finding your passion.  Apparently, it was Drew Houston, founder of Dropbox, who made the first reference to Tennis Balls in his MIT Commencement Speech but I first heard it at the Esc taster session I attended.

With my renewed energy and focus, my mental to do list has grown exponentially. I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the things I want to cover and get through.  I woke up with a busy mind, which frankly is not a great way to start the day.

Prioritise and Chill Out

As I have made a lot of progress in identifying things I need to read, sites I need to visit, videos I need to watch, people I might want to connect with, I feel a prioritisation exercise looming. Being someone who can often be impatient, I have to remind myself that this is a marathon and not a sprint.  I need to pace myself to avoid burnout.

This week I will:

  • Get organised – make lots of lists on my OneNote account so that they are accessible where ever I am.
  • Prioritise the information I want to get through
  • Decided on my meetups as I’ve still not done this
  • Confirm my _SocialStarters placement

Identifying what I do and don’t enjoy

I quite enjoyed the end of the last week.  I was facilitating a training session on ‘what is innovation and how can we be more creative’. This is another aspect of my role that I quite enjoy.

This is precisely what I mean about not hating or disliking my job as there are some aspects I really enjoy. I just find the bureaucracy suffocating and lack of direction irritating.

One of the things people suggest you do when you feel miserable about your working life is work out which aspects you do or don’t like. Is it the job or is it the organisation? Would it be different if you took on a similar role at another organisation?

I’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this. I enjoy:

  • Facilitating sessions on innovation and creativity.
  • Facilitating ideation workshops.
  • Designing – workshops, products.
  • Inspiring people.
  • Witnessing change in behaviour.
  • I even enjoy the numbers side – creating budgets and am pretty good at developing forecasting models.

What I don’t like is:

  • Lack of clarity/direction
  • Lack of focus
  • Unclear objectives/parameters to work to
  • Fundraising

The fundamental change I require is to leave fundraising behind, this means identifying a career path that is different to the one that I have known for the last 10 or so years, but what is it and how do I get there?  i have some ideas that I will explore in future blogs.

With a clear focus comes excitement

It’s funny,  once I have a focus my time suddenly disappears. Previously I felt like I was drifting in a big ocean in a small rowing boat with no sight of land in any direction. My days would drag and I would feel miserable.

These days I have a renewed energy as I strive to tick off all the things on my project plan, which will result in me leaving behind a job I no longer desire to do.

With this renewed energy however comes a new problem. An overactive brain. My brain won’t switch off, resulting in me gaining all of 2.5hours sleep last night.

My sleeplessness is partly related to the excitement behind the prospect of escaping my  job but also the feeling generated when I am actually doing work I enjoy.

I suffer many emotional ups and downs in my  job and it’s really driving me insane. Last week I had a roller coaster of a week. A project I had been trying to get off the ground for the past 3 months was finally gaining some traction. Hooray! I thought. Two days later the project ground to a massive halt (for some completely ridiculous reasons) which resulted in my boss and I withdrawing our budget from the delivery managers and pulling the plug.

I had finally lost the fight in me. It was a very sad state of affairs. The worse part being I felt it reflected really badly on me despite the fact I followed every single bureaucratic bit of red tape. I (along with a few others and a group of young people- target audience)wanted to make something amazing happen. We were so close, alas we were shot down. Needless to say I was brutally wounded in that battle.

Anyway, being the resilient individual that I am, I vowed to find another revolutionary project to work on. I am meant to be a product designer after all.

A colleague contacted me about a project she needed help getting off the ground. After some thought I realised how it could be mutually beneficial.  To cut to the chase I’ve found a new project, in the confines of ‘work’, to get stuck into. Because I am interested, I work so much more efficiently and effectively. A renewed focus on delivery. With this comes my over active mind and the tendency to get carried away with ideas and plans, and general excitement.

An exciting project at work alongside my own super fantastic personal escape plan – can you imagine what my mind is like?

I shall add mindfulness to my list of things I need to be doing!

Destination: Unknown

So I’ve finally got round to starting the blog.  In my head, I have already written at least three posts but time has been scarce and I’ve had a lot of things to do.

I’ve decided 2016 will be a year of massive change for me career wise.  I have felt stuck for a while, but after returning from a holiday to North Sulawesi, Indonesia earlier this year, and suffering from some terrible post holiday blues, I felt I really needed to act.

It’s not that I hate my job, it’s just I feel underwhelmed by it. I feel constricted in my current organisation and I feel like I am wasting my life there. Over the past year I have done a lot of self study on innovation in order to help me in my role but I feel like I am developing at a pace that is too fast for my employer and I feel like I have outgrown the organisation.

I work for a charity and ultimately I am a fundraiser. Although over the last year I have been working on designing and developing fundraising products as opposed to actually delivering campaigns. I enjoy the type of role I do, but I feel I am in the wrong place for it. Besides, I no longer want to be a fundraiser.  I want to help people and communities and actually seeing the direct impact of the work I do.

Being a goal oriented person, I’ve always found that I am at my happiest when I am striving to achieve something.  I don’t operate well when I am drifting; I feel completely lost and without purpose. Making the decision to change my career has provided me with a renewed focus, but it’s a huge step and I can’t say I’m not scared.

There are a lot of unknowns.  The biggest being I don’t really know where I am heading. I have a few ideas but nothing concrete and that is frightening.  How can I possibly quit a job to chase an unknown?

Thankfully for me, I have already taken some steps to validate I’m making the correct decision.  I’ll write more about this soon but for now, I have made a choice and I’m focused on sticking to it.  I want to live a life that I will find more fulfilling. One that I can be proud of. I know myself well enough to trust that I will make it work.

Onwards and upwards to destination: unknown.  Anyone fancy coming along for the ride?